Judas: We’ve been getting some complaints.
Jesus: All good, I hope?
Judas: What? No. That’s not… Look, your followers are pissed that you haven’t said anything about gay people.
Jesus: I told you, I’m not taking a public stand on that issue.
Judas: People are starting to take your silence as implicit support for homophobia.
Jesus: Ugh, that’s dumb.
Judas: Not really, but they’re gonna do it whether you think it’s stupid or not. You need to say something.
Jesus: What if I tell a story? Like, a parable?
Judas: Is it about gay people?
Judas: Then that is zero help.
Jesus: It’s not about about gay people, but it’s about them, you know?
Judas: Let me hear it.
Jesus: Oh, now? Okay, um… Alright, cool. So there’s this wheat farmer, and he’s tending to his crop in the field behind his house.
Judas: Congratulations, you just described a farm.
Jesus: And his wife comes out and points at a small plot on the field, and she says, “This wheat doesn’t grow as tall as the rest. You should cut it down and burn it.”
Judas: I feel like the gay people are the wheat, and you’re saying we should burn gay people.
Jesus: Obviously I’m not. And the wheat isn’t anything. It’s just wheat. Anyway, the wife says that thing, and the farmer smiles and responds, “You asked to me bring you flour so that you can make bread for us to eat. I am growing the wheat, and when I am finished growing it I will grind it all down, and you will have your flour. And then you will not be able to tell me how much came from short stalks and how much from tall. It will all make for equally delicious bread.” The end.
Judas: That’s it? That’s the whole story?
Jesus: Pretty great, right?
Judas: So great. Apart from being casually misogynistic, totally heteronormative, and implying that it’s okay to be gay even though that makes you less physically able than the rest of us(?) because once we’re dead we’re all the same.
Jesus: I think death is a great message. For the gays.
Judas: Yes, and so new to them(!)