Avery Edison's Internet Diary

One of those blogs you've heard about, run by Avery Edison, a twenty-five year-old comedian and writer who lives in London, England.
  • September 22, 2014 7:20 am
    * The Dr. Esckol Reflexology Center cannot guarantee that you have potential.
** Synco-Pressure is a trademarked term. However, there is no patent for Synco-Pressure currently pending.
*** Esckol Points are the sole property of Dr. Esckol.
**** Verifiability is variable.
***** Dr. Esckol assures us that she can be counted on to know everything she knows, even when we do not know where she is.
****** Use of the plural noun does not imply that there is more than one secret. View high resolution

    * The Dr. Esckol Reflexology Center cannot guarantee that you have potential.
    ** Synco-Pressure is a trademarked term. However, there is no patent for Synco-Pressure currently pending.
    *** Esckol Points are the sole property of Dr. Esckol.
    **** Verifiability is variable.
    ***** Dr. Esckol assures us that she can be counted on to know everything she knows, even when we do not know where she is.
    ****** Use of the plural noun does not imply that there is more than one secret.

  • September 18, 2014 12:32 pm

    xmaslemmings:

    A number of long distance friendships that were extremely important to me have turned out to be Schwarzenegger sound board pranks. Please understand you are still in my heart and my thoughts but if your voice sounds even slightly like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s I am going to need some time and distance right now.

  • September 16, 2014 4:12 pm
    tattoosbytim:

flexing woman

Seriously, how could you not love Tim Gilbert and his weird projects? View high resolution

    tattoosbytim:

    flexing woman

    Seriously, how could you not love Tim Gilbert and his weird projects?

  • 4:00 pm
    I got to interview one of my favorite comedians, Tim Gilbert, for one of my favorite sites, Splitsider! So awesome!

The interview was so jam-packed that not everything made it to the finished piece. Here’s a section I really liked, but had to be mercilessly cut:

Your stand-up has a lot of disdain for yourself, the audience, comedy in general… It has a kind-of misanthropic tone. One of my favorite tracks on your album features you describing yourself as weighing “a solid four-hundred and fifty pounds.” How much of that self-hatred is heightened for the stage?

I’m certainly not the first person to be self-deprecating, but you eventually get to a point in your life when you see photographs of yourself and you think, “Is that what I look like?” I sometimes do feel like I’m three feet and eight inches tall, and four hundred and fifty pounds, and I feel like that’s a relatable thing.
 
But I will sometimes do shows where I can tell that the audience is thinking, “What’s he talking about? He doesn’t look like that at all.”

Great, right? There’s so much more at the finished piece. Check it out! View high resolution

    I got to interview one of my favorite comedians, Tim Gilbert, for one of my favorite sites, Splitsider! So awesome!

    The interview was so jam-packed that not everything made it to the finished piece. Here’s a section I really liked, but had to be mercilessly cut:

    Your stand-up has a lot of disdain for yourself, the audience, comedy in general… It has a kind-of misanthropic tone. One of my favorite tracks on your album features you describing yourself as weighing “a solid four-hundred and fifty pounds.” How much of that self-hatred is heightened for the stage?

    I’m certainly not the first person to be self-deprecating, but you eventually get to a point in your life when you see photographs of yourself and you think, “Is that what I look like?” I sometimes do feel like I’m three feet and eight inches tall, and four hundred and fifty pounds, and I feel like that’s a relatable thing.

    But I will sometimes do shows where I can tell that the audience is thinking, “What’s he talking about? He doesn’t look like that at all.”

    Great, right? There’s so much more at the finished piece. Check it out!

  • 9:11 am

    i am legit excited for the flash though. the pilot was pretty good with a ker-razy twist at the end too

  • September 14, 2014 3:15 pm
    I love this joke format so much. The challenge (and absurdity) of summing up famous figures in this dismissive way is really fun, and it leads me to some silly jokes I wouldn’t have otherwise stumbled on, I think.

I’ve written and posted twenty of these damn things, and I’m not going to stop any time soon. I put all the ones posted so far into this collected timeline, so you can catch up. View high resolution

    I love this joke format so much. The challenge (and absurdity) of summing up famous figures in this dismissive way is really fun, and it leads me to some silly jokes I wouldn’t have otherwise stumbled on, I think.

    I’ve written and posted twenty of these damn things, and I’m not going to stop any time soon. I put all the ones posted so far into this collected timeline, so you can catch up.

  • 9:37 am
    I will never stop using Birdhouse to draft my tweets.

(I mean, unless it no longer functions in a new OS or something. But even then, maybe I’d learn Cocoa (or Swift, I guess?) so I could fix it. THAT’S brand loyalty, folks.) View high resolution

    I will never stop using Birdhouse to draft my tweets.

    (I mean, unless it no longer functions in a new OS or something. But even then, maybe I’d learn Cocoa (or Swift, I guess?) so I could fix it. THAT’S brand loyalty, folks.)

  • September 13, 2014 7:22 pm
    liartownusa:

Murder Culture Awareness Campaign

Some people have the ability to create beautiful and hilarious things, but instead turn their talents to making purposefully obtuse excoriations of concepts they find too progressive for their liking.

Yes, social justice + your personality = a shitty cupcake, but it’s not like the other side of the debate is filled with delicious frosted treats and apple pies, either. View high resolution

    liartownusa:

    Murder Culture Awareness Campaign

    Some people have the ability to create beautiful and hilarious things, but instead turn their talents to making purposefully obtuse excoriations of concepts they find too progressive for their liking.

    Yes, social justice + your personality = a shitty cupcake, but it’s not like the other side of the debate is filled with delicious frosted treats and apple pies, either.

  • September 9, 2014 7:26 pm
    Alright, let’s talk about this thing for a second, even though everyone else is already talking about it.

The Watch. It’s pretty much what we expected, right? I don’t think too many people were swayed one way or the other–if you went into this excited, you’ve come out the other end still excited. If you were making jokes about how “nobody wears a watch anymore” before the keynote, you’re probably still making them now.

I was cautiously optimistic, because I desperately want to be a cyborg, and wearable tech is the next step in that journey. I’m still cautiously optimistic. I don’t think this version is the Watch I want, but I’m looking forward to seeing what happens with the second and third generations (I have to imagine Ive is itching to radically slim that form factor down, for one).

The one thing I unabashedly love about the current Watch, though, is the heartbeat communicator. The Watch can sense you heartbeat, and transmit it to another Watch-wearer using vibration.

To me, that sounds like a beautiful way to say a quick “hey” to a long-distance partner. I’m physically isolated from my girlfriend (although we talk every day on Skype), and the idea of sending her my pulse is so intimate. I don’t think there’s any widespread technology that communicates something so personal.

It’s a distinctly romantic application of the fitness, alert, and communication technology inside the Watch. I’m curious about the stage it came into the design, and who came up with it. I wonder if they’re a ways from their partner, too. I wonder if they want to be able to send them a part of themselves. View high resolution

    Alright, let’s talk about this thing for a second, even though everyone else is already talking about it.

    The Watch. It’s pretty much what we expected, right? I don’t think too many people were swayed one way or the other–if you went into this excited, you’ve come out the other end still excited. If you were making jokes about how “nobody wears a watch anymore” before the keynote, you’re probably still making them now.

    I was cautiously optimistic, because I desperately want to be a cyborg, and wearable tech is the next step in that journey. I’m still cautiously optimistic. I don’t think this version is the Watch I want, but I’m looking forward to seeing what happens with the second and third generations (I have to imagine Ive is itching to radically slim that form factor down, for one).

    The one thing I unabashedly love about the current Watch, though, is the heartbeat communicator. The Watch can sense you heartbeat, and transmit it to another Watch-wearer using vibration.

    To me, that sounds like a beautiful way to say a quick “hey” to a long-distance partner. I’m physically isolated from my girlfriend (although we talk every day on Skype), and the idea of sending her my pulse is so intimate. I don’t think there’s any widespread technology that communicates something so personal.

    It’s a distinctly romantic application of the fitness, alert, and communication technology inside the Watch. I’m curious about the stage it came into the design, and who came up with it. I wonder if they’re a ways from their partner, too. I wonder if they want to be able to send them a part of themselves.

  • 5:22 am

    pricebullington:

    It is a sign of great inner insecurity to be hostile to the unfamiliar.

    - Anaïs Nin

    I don’t know what point she’s trying to get at, but it’s stupid.